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Woman in A Coma
A woman was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath.
One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a response
on the monitor when she touched her.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him,
"Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and
bring her out of the coma."
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains
for privacy. The hubby finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After
a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.
The nurses ran into the room. The husband was standing there, pulling up his pants, and said,
"I think she choked."
Two Nuns
Two Nuns are riding their bicycles down the back streets of Rome. One
leans over to the other and says,
"I've never come this way before."
The other nun whispers, "It's the cobblestones..."
Nuns Confession
At a church one day, the nuns are lining up to go into confession. The first
one goes up to the priest and says:
"Bless me father, for I have seen a man's penis"
The priest agrees that this is a sin, but tells her to splash her eyes with
the holy water, and all will be forgiven.
The next nun comes up and says: "I have sinned as well father... I've touched a man's penis"
The priest says that this too can be forgiven, and that she should wash
her hands with the holy water. The priest then looks over at the next two
nuns in line, and sees them fighting to see who will go next. He gets up
and asks them why they are fighting. The fourth nun replies:
"Well, there's no way that I'm drinking that holy water after she sat
in it"
The Pope
The Pope is having a shower Although he is very strict about the celibacy
rules, he occasionally feels the need to empty his scrotal sacs, and this
is one of these occasions.
Just as he shoots his load, he sees a photographer taking a picture of the holy seed flying through the air.
"Hold on a minute" says the Pope. "You can't do that. You'll destroy the reputation of the Catholic Church."
"This picture is my lottery win" says the photographer, "I'll be financially secure for life."
So the Pope offers to buy the camera off the photographer, and after lots of negotiation, they eventually arrive at a figure of two million quid.
The Pope then dries himself off, and heads off with his new camera.
He meets his housekeeper, who spots the camera.
"That looks like a really good camera," she says, "how much did it cost you?"
"Two million quid" replies the Pope.
"TWO MILLION QUID!" says the housekeeper, "They must have seen you coming."
End Of A Long Night
After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one handy.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. ...Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
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