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1. FISHING BUDDIES
Two good (blond) fishing buddies, Joe and Dave, went up to the mountains to a creek to fish. After they parked the pickup and got out all their fishing gear, Dave said "I'm going to go across the creek and fish upstream." Joe acknowledged him.
After some time of fishing away from each other, the weather turned bad, the sky turned dark, and it began to rain tremendously. The lightning flashed and the thunder rolled, the creek began to swell and pushed over its banks.
Dave came running down the opposite side of the creek and hollered over to Joe above the thunder, "How do I get across?!"
Joe hollered, "Take off your shoes and socks, roll up your pants, and wade!"
By this time it was dark. Dave hollered back, "The creek is too high and you know I can't swim!"
Joe hollered, "I have an idea. I will go get the flashlight, shine it on the water, and you can walk across on the beam!"
Dave thought about this for a couple of minutes and then hollered back, "That's no good. I know you -- I'll get halfway across, and you'll shut it off!"
2. PEANUTS
A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friend with him.
While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finished them off.
As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts."
She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off them."
3. SIXTH GRADERS
The 6th grade science teacher asked her class, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered for a long time until little Mary stood up, angry, and said the teacher should not be asking 6th graders a question like that. She was going to tell her parents, who would tell the principal who would fire the teacher!
The teacher ignored her and asked the question again. "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Finally Billy stood up and said that the body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.
The teacher said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and said, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: Number one, you have a dirty mind. Number two, you didn't read your homework. And number three, one day, you will be very, very disappointed."
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